Minor procedure

Now I know, at least in some small measure, how Anquan Boldin felt when two Jet defenders tried to cave his head in last fall. Boldin broke several bones in his face and allegedly didn't take anything for the pain. I'm no Boldin.

I kept seeing the term "conscious sedation" in the materials handed to me prior to going in. Frankly, I didn't want to be at all conscious as the doc performed his magic. I walked into the room and it was cold. I had a blanket all the way up to my neck. It reminded me of 9/11, when I went into Radiology and had a Picc line inserted while the radio was on, the announcer all but insisting on panic. Actually that room was colder, but they did have warm blankets. When I had my appendix removed last May (worst week of vacation ever), the operating room was very cold.

In my youth I was almost petrified of needles. I'm glad that I got over that. As I walked in I saw about a dozen syringes on one side of the room and about double that in instruments behind me. The doctor put in the IV. Sometimes it hurts for a second. Sometimes it hurts for a minute. This time, I didn't even feel the needle. He gave me a little of the sedative to start. I told him that it felt good. Less than a minute later I was out.

Here's my recommendation for anyone getting a gum graft. Do not try to eat food that you have to chew for at least 24 hours. The wife took me through the Chik-Fil-A drive thru. I got home, had my first pain pill, and ate maybe two nuggets. Eating anything with texture at that point felt so strange. My entire face was numb, and the feeling coming back was all pain. My body said "no mas" and it was nap time.

I spent the afternoon with an ice pack on my face, trying to enjoy the 70s cop drama "The Seven-Ups". I could never quite follow what was going on. Even an extended car chase wasn't compelling. The pain pills worked, although I would get dizzy after a while. The worst feeling was when I took one at 6:30 on an empty stomach. I felt like I was going to hurl until I had a few bites of Panang chicken that my wife was nice enough to get for dinner. No matter how hungry I thought I was, I couldn't consume much.

I woke up at 3:30 to take my mid-evening white pill. I had some more Panang and read a few pages from Dennis Lehane's latest. It's a page-turner, I tells ya.

I had three grafts, and I listened to the nurse's instructions but not inspecting those parts of my mouth with my tongue. The roof of my mouth feels like the worst pizza burn ever. My recommendation to all the kiddies is to brush twice and floss once a day. Have a dentist show you how to do it correctly. Even if you hate it, it's a walk in a park compared to the alternative.

Cut

If I were restricted to discussing my history of oral surgery, I could fill a few pages. When I was nine I went over the handlebars of my bike and landed face-first in the pavement. I had surgery that night for a shattered jaw bone. One of my front teeth was lodged in my jaw bone and only years later was it finally removed. Years later I had a bridge installed so my mouth looked normal again.

Today I’m having a gum graft. Read this if you want to lose your appetite. There are parts of the body that regenerate, but gums are not one of them. Mine are bad. I decided to have this procedure as an alternative to having worse procedures in the future. I’m not nervous, although I am hoping to be knocked out, like when I had my wisdom teeth out. In that case they gave me an IV, had me count down from ten, and at about six I was knocked out. Wisdom teeth and appendixes. Why do we have them again?

From my recent history, you might think that I’m a surgery junkie. Three years ago I had a cyst removed. I remember falling asleep well before I got into the operating room. Post-surgery was the pain, literally and otherwise. The wound stayed opened and my poor wife had to pack it twice daily. I heard that it would heal in six to eight weeks. It was 13.

Last year I had emergency surgery to remove a troubled appendix. Relive that experience with this epic blog. When I returned home the following day, I was bored more than anything else with having to basically sit on a couch all week. I’m hoping for that kind of experience today and beyond.

Am I nervous? Here’s my theory on surgery and on life. Everything that you anticipate or dread will pass. When I’m on vacation, by day one I can imagine how I’m going to feel on the final day. It will be over and there will be nothing I can do about it. This is comforting in times when you’d prefer to pull out the TiVo remote and fast forward. This is not comforting when you want to savor the brief “moments of magic”.